July 4, 2013
I had to break the news to my family and close friends. But where do I start? In the past seven days, I lost my baby son, had placenta abruption, preeclampsia, and HELLP. Almost did not make it back myself due to blood loss.
The phone started to ring, non-stop. My mother started to call everyone who had any connection to me. Friends were calling about baby shower. Knowing I could not hide any more, I picked up the phone and started talking.
The reactions became a reflection of human instinct.
Q1: “What? You lost your baby? What happened? How can you be so careless?”
A: I almost want to shoot her or myself.
Q2: “Why didn’t the doctor detect this earlier? This is a malpractice. You need to sue the doctor. Sue the hospital. I am telling you!”
A: I looked at myself, a defeated general, with bleeding wounds and broken spirit. Just came back from an uphill battle to save my baby and myself. Now, I need to rage another war? Where are my troops? Unbelievable!
Q3. “I am so sorry about your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Call me anytime when you feel like talking.”
A: I nodded on the phone.
Q4: “Where are you now? I will clear my work schedule and come this weekend to see you.”
A: My tears oozed out. I really needed a crying shoulder but was too weak to admit it.
Q5: “Hello, is this Jasmine? This is Jake. We have not been in touch for few years now. I came across your phone number and had to call to see if you still have the same number. How are you?”
A: Here it is, an unknowing friend, a perfect distraction. We spoke for 10 minutes, not a word of ‘death’, ‘hurt’ or ‘sad’.
Writing 101, Day 12: (Virtual) Dark Clouds On the Horizon