I love exploring new places. Once I am there, I immerse myself in the “newness”. I get excited, eyeballs popping and camera clicking. A different side of me, surfaced — I am no longer hesitating or calculating. I just go find out or wonder the streets. If I got lost, I ask for directions or look on the map. What is the point of knowing everything? I want to be surprised by the surroundings, landmarks, food, language, and culture. Even talking to a stranger in a language I do not know much would send happy vibes to my spine. That is when Jasmine is alive!
Back in town, I sink into an old me, constantly harassed by a job prospect and future plan of a child. Everyday, I walk in circles, mindlessly, with no beginning, no end, and no progress. Then, the rest of the days, I put my sad face on knowing no one would care or tell the difference: a zombie walking in the daylight; a dead sea with no living things; a master of a disguise. I would go out of my ways to NOT meet new people. Their friendly smiles and benign questions about my children would send me running toward the exit.
The same me, having two different mental states, want to live and be alive!