To Live and Be Alive

I love exploring new places. Once I am there, I immerse myself in the “newness”. I get excited, eyeballs popping and camera clicking.   A different side of me, surfaced — I am no longer hesitating or calculating. I just go find out or wonder the streets. If I got lost, I ask for directions or look on the map. What is the point of knowing everything? I want to be surprised by the surroundings, landmarks, food, language, and culture. Even talking to a stranger in a language I do not know much would send happy vibes to my spine. That is when Jasmine is alive!

Back in town, I sink into an old me, constantly harassed by a job prospect and future plan of a child. Everyday, I walk in circles, mindlessly, with no beginning, no end, and no progress. Then, the rest of the days, I put my sad face on knowing no one would care or tell the difference: a zombie walking in the daylight; a dead sea with no living things; a master of a disguise. I would go out of my ways to NOT meet new people. Their friendly smiles and benign questions about my children would send me running toward the exit.

The same me, having two different mental states, want to live and be alive!


About jasmine shei

My blog is to express my journey in finding a purpose in life, after a great loss. As I wonder in the woods, I hope I will eventually find a path to a lifelong fulfillment.
This entry was posted in Infant Loss, Recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to To Live and Be Alive

  1. Aggie M. says:

    That makes a lot of sense, actually. I can see those two ‘yous’, same Jasmine…


  2. kazg10 says:

    When you are feeling down and in a rut try to think of your next expedition and plan where you might go and have that to look forward to. It’s not the same but when I’m down I try to think of my next photography trip, where would I like to go, what will be there, do some homework on photo opportunities etc
    This makes my mundane weekdays more bearable. Glad you have moments of happiness, thats heartening! 🙂


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