Voice in My Head

“Do I want to hold the baby? “

“What if I like it?”

“How many more IVF am I ready to do? The odds are not in my favor, 1 out of 3, over 5 years!”

“If I am lucky to be pregnant, am I going to have another HELLP?”

“What about the health of the baby? Can I take care of a sick baby?”

Stop. Just stop!  I begged.

Sitting by me, a friend was talking with her hands waving in the air, voice vibrating. “I had a wonderful delivery! She came beautifully!” She leaned over, gave her baby girl a soft kiss, and kindly asked. “Do you want to hold the baby?”

I choked.


About jasmine shei

My blog is to express my journey in finding a purpose in life, after a great loss. As I wonder in the woods, I hope I will eventually find a path to a lifelong fulfillment.
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4 Responses to Voice in My Head

  1. kazg10 says:

    Another step forward….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. meghanoc says:

    Oh this one hurt to read! What an experience. I”m sorry these are the thoughts that go through your head. such a simple question that is full of triggers. Just being around a baby, a baby that came beautifully at that! my thoughts and sympathies are with you. I know those thoughts (not the exact ones, but similar). so hard…


  3. I have similar feelings about babies. It’s so painful. Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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