Kids’ cheering voices outside of the window wakes her up. She (in-law) walks toward the window and looks down: Neighbor’s grandchildren are visiting, five of them, playing on the deck. Their colorful hats, shorts and bathing suits are dancing under the sun. Mixed with giggles, they make this neighborhood lively.
She turns around and says, “I have been knitting and thinking of making a baby sweater. Maybe I shall want until you and Joo have one.”
Is this really necessary to say? My little voice whispers to me. I am scared. I do not know how my in-laws would react around kids, especially the little ones. Most likely, they will do what every grandparent would do—in love with them. It would be hard for me to watch: We could have what they wanted and we wanted. Now, it is all lost in a distance fog. I am afraid of triggering her nerve and driving her back into depression. Or worse, she would start her non-stop chattering about us, trying. I know. I cannot always control the situation. How long can I shelter them or myself from this? Shall I decline every invitation that involves infant or toddler?
I shake my head to knock the little voice off and take a step away from the window.