Neighbor’s Grandchildren Playing

Kids’ cheering voices outside of the window wakes her up. She (in-law) walks toward the window and looks down: Neighbor’s grandchildren are visiting, five of them, playing on the deck. Their colorful hats, shorts and bathing suits are dancing under the sun. Mixed with giggles, they make this neighborhood lively.

She turns around and says, “I have been knitting and thinking of making a baby sweater. Maybe I shall want until you and Joo have one.”

Is this really necessary to say? My little voice whispers to me. I am scared. I do not know how my in-laws would react around kids, especially the little ones. Most likely, they will do what every grandparent would do—in love with them. It would be hard for me to watch: We could have what they wanted and we wanted. Now, it is all lost in a distance fog.   I am afraid of triggering her nerve and driving her back into depression. Or worse, she would start her non-stop chattering about us, trying. I know. I cannot always control the situation. How long can I shelter them or myself from this? Shall I decline every invitation that involves infant or toddler?

I shake my head to knock the little voice off and take a step away from the window.


About jasmine shei

My blog is to express my journey in finding a purpose in life, after a great loss. As I wonder in the woods, I hope I will eventually find a path to a lifelong fulfillment.
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7 Responses to Neighbor’s Grandchildren Playing

  1. myhopejar says:

    I always love the way you write hon. Such a vivid image. I say do what is best for you and let everyone else manage their own emotions. Sending you a huge hug and strength.


  2. Healing Grief says:

    This is a honest and hearfelt post. The pressure from others sometimes feels overwhelming and is like a background noise that we can either tune into or not. Acceptance of every situation is always the beginning of letting go and healing. Accepting yourself completely will help your outward experiences as well.



    • jasmineshei says:

      I am trying. I can accept myself not get too emotional seeing others with infants and toddlers. It is much harder for me to watch my in-laws teasing them. It overwhelms me as if I just experienced my loss all over again! So hard! I know even that, I am still making progress in healing, little by little! Thanks for commenting!


  3. Aggie M. says:

    What is it with family! It is different. They see our best and our worst. Hugs these weeks as you are ‘hanging in there…’


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