Am I Ready?

Mood swings, nightmares, heartburns. Am I pregnant?

Part of me wishing it were true. All the pains of missing my baby Kevin would ease up and I would be hopeful again. Part of me wishing it were not true. Mentally, I can’t switch back to a year ago knowing the deadly consequences or worse, the unknown possibilities. I have been preparing myself for a new direction, a job and a life outside of home, at least for the time being and not to think about offspring for a while.

What if it is true? What do I do? I cannot believe I would hesitate now. I know I would do whatever has been planned by the mighty force.  I will take the responsibility. So, I decide.

But, as a streak of blood comes, everything is over: the symptoms are just a side effect of a new medication.

Or, is this a test?

If it happens to you for real, do you think you are ready?


About jasmine shei

My blog is to express my journey in finding a purpose in life, after a great loss. As I wonder in the woods, I hope I will eventually find a path to a lifelong fulfillment.
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5 Responses to Am I Ready?

  1. Yes I do Jasmine. We had a beautiful girl one year after our son died. She was a gift of hope for us and my other daughter. It never replaced any part of our son, it just reminded us that this precious gift which is our life, goes on.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If it happens for you… when it does… you will be ready.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. meghanoc says:

    oh gosh… the ttc after loss. no way to prepare for the hope before a period and the letdown after it. sigh. how could you not feel this way?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whenever it does happen, it wont be easy, the worries and the fears will be all to real and familiar. BUT, you can do it and you will be an amazing mother to another child if you choose that path.
    Lots of love to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. myhopejar says:

    I think that moment when you’re ready is different for everyone. I know for us, by that year mark after losing Holdon, we were ready to try again, but then with each miscarriage we had afterward, it got harder and harder, and I sometimes wondered if we were meant to have another child. And yet, I still wanted another child so we never gave up. I can’t say it’s been easy and I still have anxiety of history repeating itself, but all I can do is go on blind faith that this time really is different.

    I think if you were to find yourself pregnant again now, it will be hard and you will most definitely be scared, but I also know for me it the fear eases with every milestone you reach. I echo what MPB said, I believe you can do it and you will absolutely be an amazing mother to another child. There is no right or wrong time to start trying again, but I think the fact that you are thinking about it now means you’re getting closer to wanting to try again. Sending you lots of love and hope for the future. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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