“Mom, why does not Li’s family have any kids?” I cannot help asking mother about our neighbor when I was little.
“They just do not,” Mother put it simply. “Maybe they cannot. I do not know. They sure are a good couple.”
Of course, mother’s answer did not satisfy my curious mind. From time to time, I stop by at their door and peeked inside. Unlike everyone else, their apartment was always clean and quiet. Sometimes, few students would come to study, as they were both teachers. It sure felt different to me. Why some married couple would not have children and it may not be their choice. I never thought this would become my reality.
Becoming a mother is natural to many. For me, it is a quest of five years, from have to have-not. In this journey, I had endured many lows and highs. On my lows I dragged myself in and out of infertility treatment clinics, from U.S. to China, from western surgery to eastern herbs, from IUIs to IVFs, from one time to three time treatments. I was determined. I believed as long as I gave my 100%, I would succeed, like most things in life. Why not? Isn’t what nature intended? But, I was so wrong. Pre-eclampsia robbed me clean, took my child away, and threw me back into infertility. After five years, I am back to zero….
Maybe I was peaking into my life, when I was little. Maybe I were her, 30 years later.
(National Infertility awareness week 4/19-4/25)